


A Congenial Disguise

by actualvarric



Category: Dream Daddy: A Dad Dating Simulator
Genre: Christianity, Crisis of Faith, First Kiss, Fix-It, Happy Ending, Internalized Homophobia, Joseph's Good Ending, M/M, Pool Party, Rollerblades & Rollerskates, Rollerskating, no yachts or margaritas, somewhat Mary negative
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-24
Updated: 2017-07-28
Packaged: 2018-12-06 04:50:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 14,048
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11593290
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/actualvarric/pseuds/actualvarric
Summary: The man at his front door had a golden smile and a plate of cookies. Alex knew he was done for.(A complete rewrite of Joseph's route, with no cheating, yachts, margaritas, past cheating or cults for Joseph. If you want a good, wholesome path with Joseph that explores some of the aspects of marriage, homosexuality, and religion not covered in the game, this one's for you.)





	1. First Date

When Alex first met Joseph, he already knew he was going to fall in love with him.

He hadn't expected the first visitor to his new house to be so _handsome_. His muscular arms, his strong jaw, the hint of a tattoo under his sleeve- really, everything about the man made Alex even more attracted to him. Couple that with the man’s charm and the easiness of their conversation and Alex knew he was hooked. 

And then he found out he was married. And to the woman who’d hit on him at a dive bar, no less.

The barbecue was an arduous process of trying to desperately comprehend what the hell was going on. Joseph was married? It was ok, it made sense, but… wasn’t Joseph kind of hitting on him yesterday? Saying he looked “young enough” and all that? Did Joseph know his wife was cheating on him? Should he tell him? Where was Crish? His head was a jumble of questions that he didn't think would be answered anytime soon. He tried to focus on meeting his new neighbors instead. 

Everyone was nice enough (and all rather attractive, as well), but Alex felt his eyes consistently drawn to Joseph no matter who he was conversing with. He marveled at how the man dropped into easy conversation with everyone, almost effortlessly engaging them in topics of mutual interest and ensuring that they had a good time. To Alex, who had never really been good at that kind of thing, this feat was equivalent to climbing Mt. Everest. 

“Alex?”

“Huh?” Alex replied ineloquently, turning his attention back to the man he was having a conversation with. 

“I asked you who your favorite classic rock band is,” Mat stated, resting a hand on his hip. “But I can see you’re a little distracted. I can't blame you, honestly, the first time I watched Joseph host a barbecue, I was impressed, too.”

“I’m just so _bad_ at it, y’know?” Alex replied, trying to desperately cover his tracks. 

“I feel you, dude,” Mat answered sincerely. “Anxiety’s a bitch. Why don't you go over and talk to him? He’s talked to just about everyone except you so far.”

Mat didn’t even let him answer as he lifted up his cup of punch in a toast and walked away, leaving Alex behind to face the host of the party. Alex gulped down a sip of the iced tea he was holding and forced himself to approach Joseph as soon as the person he was talking to had left. 

“Hey Joseph, nice party,” Alex began, trying to slow his heart when Joseph turned and smiled at him.

“Alex!” Joseph exclaimed enthusiastically, clapping a warm hand on his upper arm. “It’s good to see you! Thanks so much for coming! Are you having a good time?”

“Yeah, it’s great,” Alex replied, lying just a little bit. “All our neighbors seem pretty cool, and Amanda’s getting along great with all the kids. Plus, this food is fantastic. What’s your secret?”

“A cook never reveals their secret ingredient,” Joseph answered, winking. “But maybe if I’m feeling particularly generous I’ll teach you how to grill a good burger someday.” 

“You know I’m going to hold you to that, right?” Alex said, raising an eyebrow and smiling. 

“By all means,” Joseph replied, returning the smile. He seemed to notice something important out of the corner of his eye, because suddenly he said a quick, “We should hang out sometime!” before squeezing Alex’s shoulder again and darting away. Alex watched him, interested to see what had him in such a hurry. He observed as Joseph ran to his wife, who was apparently about to give one of the twins a sip of wine. Joseph grabbed her by the shoulder, pulling her forward so that neither of their faces would be visible to their guests. 

Alex sighed to himself. Why on earth did he deal with her? Did he even love her? He eventually settled on “Love’s weird sometimes” as a temporary answer after many hours of laying sleepless in bed that night. 

——

A couple days later, Alex found himself bored out of his skull and itching to go out and _do_ something. He browsed the Internet for a little while before remembering Dadbook, that “social networking” site that Amanda’d shown him. He logged in and looked through a couple of profiles he recognized before eventually finding Joseph’s. 

“Turn ons: my beautiful wife?” Alex asked himself incredulously. He’d barely shown any affection for her at the barbecue! 

He debated on whether or not to send Joseph a message. On the one hand, it’d be good to see him again, on the other, it was definitely not a good idea to get any deeper into this crush than he already was. There was also the issue of what the hell was going on with him and his wife. That final thought cemented the idea in his brain; he opened up the text box and started typing. He was going to figure those two out if it was the death of him. 

“Hey Joseph. You said we should hang out sometime at the barbecue. You have anything going on today?”

The reply was instant. 

“Just going to take the kids roller-skating, you’re welcome to come along!”

Alex sucked at roller-skating. He told Joseph as much. Joseph was undeterred.

“Then we can just sit and talk while the kids skate,” he answered. “Honestly, it’ll be nice to just relax and talk to a friend for a while.”

“Won’t Mary be there?” Alex asked against his better judgment. 

“No,” Joseph replied simply, not elaborating any more. Alex felt an uneasy feeling course through his body. Yikes. 

“Alright then,” he said. “Sounds good. When should I be over?” 

“Five,” Joseph answered. “And don’t forget to wear shoes with socks!” 

“Thanks, dad,” Alex replied, hoping the sarcasm came through via text. 

Joseph responded with a winky face and Alex closed his laptop quickly. Attractive married men should _not_ be sending other people winky faces, no matter the context. 

He tried to clear his head by looking at the clock and gauging how much time he had to get ready. It was 3:45. Shit! He still had to shower and pick out clothes and stuff! (Hey, he worked from home, he was allowed to shower in the afternoon!) He rushed himself into the shower and when he was finally out, dressed, and ready to go, Amanda was home from school.

“Whoa, Pops, what are you dressed up all fancy for?” She asked, raising an eyebrow. 

“Fancy?” Alex inquired back, confused. He was wearing a t-shirt and jeans. 

“Yeah, you showered and everything!” She exclaimed, throwing her arms out to gesture to his outfit.

“Ha ha,” Alex deadpanned, rolling his eyes as Amanda grinned. “If you must know, I’m hanging out with Joseph and his kids tonight. They’re going roller-skating. I’m sure you’re invited too, if you’re interested.”

“Dad,” Amanda said bluntly. “You know I’m garbage at roller skating. Remember that time when I was seven and you gave me that whole spiel about “trying new things” and “being adventurous” only to find out that we were the two most uncoordinated people on earth? Actually, why are _you_ even going?”

“Mary’s not going to be there so I’m going to keep Joseph company,” Alex said, shrugging. “I’m making friends, Manda. That’s good, remember?”

“You’re right, you're right,” Amanda acquiesced, putting her hands up in surrender. “Have fun with your new friend.” 

“I will, thank you very much,” Alex said mock-defensively, grabbing his jacket. It was around 4:50; he should probably be heading out soon. “Love you, Manda Panda. Do your homework while I’m gone.”

“Love you too, dad,” she replied as he stepped outside. He heard a faint, “No promises!” as he closed and locked the door behind him. 

It was only a short walk to Joseph’s house and Alex ended up getting there a whole nine minutes early. He adjusted the sleeves of his jacket nervously as he waited for someone to answer the door, desperately hoping Joseph’s family wasn’t one of those families that waited to do everything last-minute before going out. When Joseph finally opened the door, impeccably dressed and keys in hand, Alex wondered why he’d even been worried. _Obviously_ Joseph was going to be perfectly punctual. 

“Alex!” Joseph exclaimed, cheery as always. “Perfect timing! We were just about to head out! Go ahead, get in the car, I’ll have the kids out in a second.” 

Joseph tossed him the keys before turning back inside to try to herd his kids outside. Alex took it upon himself to unlock the minivan, turn on the AC, and get comfortable in the passenger seat. After a couple of seconds of waiting, he heard the backdoor slide open and turned his head to watch three out of four Christiansen children pile into the backseat. He noticed that the twins-although not wearing matching pink polos today- were wearing eerily similar t-shirts and jeans. They gave him blank stares in unison. Alex felt a shudder run up his spine and he turned around to face forward. 

Joseph got into the driver’s seat before things could get too awkward between Alex and the kids. He smiled at Alex warmly before buckling his seatbelt and setting the car to reverse. 

“Alright, it’s not too long of a drive, so just lay back and enjoy the music,” Joseph said, pulling out of his driveway. He flipped on the radio and Alex almost choked. 

_What would people think if I said I was a Jesus Freak? What would people do when they find out it’s true? Oh O-oh!_

The song was apparently some kind of heavy Christian rock and Alex was mildly horrified to see Joseph gently head-bobbing to the beat. So _this_ is what religious families were like. He glanced behind him and saw Chris rolling his eyes, obviously irritated at his dad’s song choice. The twins looked like they were… kinda into it? They weren’t scowling for once, so that was probably a good sign. Alex turned back around and tried to give the song an honest chance.

By the end of it, Alex was thoroughly enjoying himself, belting out the chorus to the amusement of the whole Christiansen family. Joseph was in tears by the time they pulled into the roller-rink. He leaned over the steering wheel to try to compose himself while his kids gave Alex a round of applause. Alex bowed to them.

“I’ll be here all night, folks,” he putting a hand up in a fake display of modesty. 

Joseph’s kids let out one last round of giggles as they got out of the car and waited at the door of the roller-rink. Joseph finally leaned back from his prone position on the steering wheel to chuckle at Alex, wiping one last tear from the corner of his eye. 

“That was really good,” Joseph said, smiling wide. “I’m honestly impressed.”

“My singing’s not _that_ great,” Alex replied, blushing a little at the praise. 

“No, not that-” Joseph clarified, letting out a sharp chuckle at Alex’s gasp of indignation, “Although the singing _was_ pretty great- it takes a lot to make my kids happy like that. I’m impressed that you’ve managed to make them outright laugh after only a little while of knowing them.”

Alex blushed even harder at that compliment. He felt like it meant a lot more than it seemed like on the surface. He shivered and tried to blame it on the AC. Joseph cleared his throat and tried to segue out of his awkward compliment. 

“Well, shall we?” He said, turning the car off and grabbing his key. Alex nodded, small smile on his face before opening his door and meeting Joseph and his kids at the entrance to the roller-rink. 

It didn’t take too long to get everyone’s roller-skates (apparently Joseph and his family were there so often the rental counter had their measurements memorized), but Alex was mildly scared and confused when Joseph insisted he rent some skates for himself, as well. Alex raised an eyebrow at him, but Joseph just said, “Trust me,” and Alex found himself fishing out his wallet. Joseph grabbed his wrist to stop him from getting any money, claiming he would get it. _Classy_ , Alex thought. He gave the man over the counter his shoe size and he was handed a pair of slightly-worn skates. 

Joseph’s kids immediately took off the minute they got their skates, so Alex and Joseph just walked around for a little bit and eventually settled into a table overlooking the rink. Chris looked like he was having a good enough time just skating around by himself, and the twins were scaring other patrons by skating hand-in-hand and staring at them. Alex looked at Joseph and smiled at what he saw- the other man was staring fondly at the rink, as if it was his greatest creation. The guy really loved his kids, huh? 

Something startled Joseph out of his revery and he blinked a few times in rapid succession before turning to meet Alex’s eyes. He blushed when he realized that Alex had been staring at him. Alex blushed when he realized he’d been caught staring. They both abruptly looked away.

“So, uh, what made you want to become a youth minister?” Alex asked, trying to distract both of them from whatever _that_ was. 

“Oh! Well, I was raised in a religious family, so a spiritual connection with God was always pretty second-nature to me,” Joseph explained, smile lighting up his face. “And I’d always been pretty good with kids, so it only made sense to spread the word of God through youth ministry!”

“Wow, you're lucky you've known what you wanted to do since forever. I changed my major at least three times in college.”

“As long as you’re doing something you love now, right?” Joseph pointed out, gently smiling. 

“Agreed,” Alex replied, returning the smile. “Say, what would you be if you weren't a youth minister? Just hypothetically?”

Joseph answered immediately, not seeming to even have to think about it. 

“I’d be a cooking instructor. There’s nothing I love more than cooking with my kids, and I think it’d be really cool to teach new or expecting parents how to cook! Maybe they could even bring their kids with them and they could learn together! It’d be a nice bonding experience for the whole family!”

Alex’s eyebrows flew up to his hairline. 

“Dang, that’s really nice. You just really like helping people, huh?”

Joseph chuckled and shrugged.

“It’s my fatal flaw,” he stage-whispered, winking. 

“You care _too_ much,” Alex sighed melodramatically.

Joseph laughed at him again and stood up, gesturing for Alex to follow him. Alex eyed him warily when he realized that Joseph had picked up his skates.

“Come on, let's skate,” Joseph prompted, waving his outstretched hand. 

“I don't know about this, Joseph, I’m pretty uncoordinated…” 

Alex could feel his heart speed up and bile rise in his throat. He _really_ didn't feel like embarrassing himself today, and in front of Joseph of all people.

“Come on, I’ll teach you! Has anyone ever tried to teach you before or have you just tried to wing it?”

Alex thought back to when he’d skated with Amanda nine years ago. He’d been too intent on trying to teach her that he hadn’t bothered to actually teach himself first. 

“… I just tried to wing it,” Alex admitted ashamedly. He wasn’t getting out of this one, he was sure of it.

“Then let me teach you!” 

Joseph did look pretty excited about this. Maybe it wouldn’t be _too_ bad. Alex let out a deep sigh and grabbed his skates. Joseph let out an excited noise, not unlike a squee. Ok, that was pretty cute. 

They walked to the edge of the rink together and put on their skates. Joseph’s were on in under a minute; Alex couldn't figure out how to undo the first buckle of his. He tried for a minute in prideful determination before eventually giving up and handing them off to an amused Joseph. With Joseph’s help, he had his skates on in no time flat. 

Now came the hard part. 

Alex could barely stand up without leaning heavily on Joseph, who had stood up like it was the easiest thing he’d ever done. Joseph had to practically drag him into the rink. Alex could tell Joseph was trying not to laugh at him as he fluidly skated a few feet away from the wall that Alex was now clutching as if his life depended on it.

“Alright, now just skate to me,” Joseph instructed, arms open wide. “I’ll catch you, I promise. It’s just like learning how to swim.”

Alex wasn't so sure, but Joseph was smiling at him and he really didn’t have that kind of willpower. He pushed off from the wall and the next thing he felt was two warm arms wrapped tightly around him. Joseph pulled away and beamed at him.

“See, that wasn't so bad, was it? Skating’s just like that; at first you might have to hang on to the walls now and then but soon enough you'll be gliding with the pros!”

Alex couldn’t really figure out what Joseph was saying because they were still very close together and Joseph still had a _hand on his shoulder_ , so he freaked out a little when he realized he had to say something back.

“Uh, yeah, not bad,” he managed to squeak out. Joseph looked like he’d just given him the compliment of the century.

“I’m glad to hear it! How about we try to go around the rink a couple times?”

“Sure,” Alex replied. “But if you want to go ahead of me that’s totally cool. You look like you know what you’re doing and I’d hate to prevent you from having a good time.”

Joseph looked at him like he had three heads.

“I _am_ having a good time, Alex! It’s fun getting to know you and teaching you how to roller-skate!”

 _Well, then_. Alex felt his face heat up. Joseph, realizing that he’d probably been a little too honest, returned his blush. Joseph slapped Alex on the back and took off a little ways ahead, gesturing for Alex to try to meet him. They went around the rink a few times like that, Joseph watching as Alex skated for three seconds at a time before falling into walls. Alex had to hand it to him; it _did_ look like Joseph was genuinely enjoying himself, even if he wasn't striding long distances in one go or doing tricks. 

The emcee announced that it was a minute until the couples’ skate, so Alex figured he should try for one last push. He was going to try to stop on his own, with no walls to hold onto. When he announced his plan, Joseph raised a skeptical eyebrow but politely agreed to spot him. Joseph demonstrated how to stop on roller skates and it looked easy enough; all you had to do was lean one foot forward to engage the toe brake. Easy peasy. 

Alex pushed off from the wall and tried to stop. He immediately lost his balance and fell on his face, barely getting his arms up in time to cushion him before he met the ground. When he turned around and looked up, Joseph was _right_ over him. 

“What happened to spotting me?” He asked half-angrily.

“Sorry,” replied Joseph, looking sheepish. “You got going pretty fast there and I couldn’t react quickly enough. Let me help you up.”  
Alex took the hand offered to him and tried not to think about how warm it was. He dropped it as soon as he was able to stand up on his own, realizing that this was all a pretty bad idea. Wait, did Joseph’s smile just falter a little bit? Alex shook his head as he pushed off toward the wall. No way. 

The couples’ skate was announced and Alex and Joseph met the kids on the outside of the rink, close to where they were sitting before.

“You guys have fun?” Alex asked.

“It was ok,” Chris said moodily, crossing his arms tighter. Must be a pre-teen thing. 

“We had fun,” the twins said both in unison and in a monotone. 

“G-Good,” Alex replied, trying not to show his fear. 

They all started to take off their skates, the emcee announcing that the couples’ skate was going to be the last of the night. Alex, predictably, needed help getting his off. Joseph chuckled and helped him undo all the clasps and buckles. Alex noticed Chris staring at him more intently than even the twins, who were currently engaged in debating which Goosebumps book was the best. Alex gulped and looked away, putting his shoes on that much faster. 

When Alex was finally done, they all walked up to the rental counter and returned their skates. They piled into the car, buckled themselves in, and were soon on their way home. Alex was about to turn on the radio as soon as the engine started, but Joseph grabbed his hand mid-way and quickly dropped it again, moving his hand over his own mouth in a shushing gesture. Alex raised an eyebrow, and Joseph pointed to the backseat. Alex turned around and saw all three kids passed out in the backseat. Alex was a little impressed that Joseph knew his kids so well that he didn't even need to look at them to know that they were sleeping. 

The drive home was, understandably, quiet, and the silence was pleasant and comfortable. When Joseph pulled into Alex’s driveway to drop him off, he parked and got out of the car. Alex was a little surprised; wasn't he going to be driving home with his kids? Why not stay in the car? Alex raised an eyebrow at him to communicate his confusion and Joseph laughed. 

“We don't have to be quiet anymore; they can’t hear us out here,” he said. 

Alex was about to ask him to elaborate before he figured it out, the realization dawning on his face. 

“They’re pretty cute when they’re sleeping,” he replied. 

“That they are,” Joseph agreed, walking him to his front door. “Although, I do think that they’re cute _all_ the time, but I might be the teensiest bit biased.”

Alex snorted as he stopped at his front door.

“I’d have Amanda fight you for the cutest kid ever title but I’d be outnumbered.”

Joseph laughed, porch lights shining in his eyes.

“That’s where four kids really come in handy, huh?” He teased.

“Which, might I add, is a perfectly reasonable number of kids to have,” Alex added, pointing his index finger to make his point.

They both shared a laugh and smiled at each other as the silence stretched on. 

“Well, I should probably go back home and carry the kids into bed,” Joseph mentioned, tugging at the sleeve of his hoodie. 

“Probably,” Alex agreed reluctantly.

“I had a great time tonight, Alex, and I know the kids did, too,” Joseph said, looking him in the eyes. “We should definitely hang out again sometime.”

“Yeah, for sure,” Alex replied, smiling. 

Joseph opened his arms up, and Alex stepped into them for a parting hug. Joseph’s body was a wall of heat, seeming to completely surround Alex with an understated strength. Alex could feel the man’s breath on his shoulder and feel the fast beat of his heart. He pulled away before he could do anything stupid. 

“See you around, Joseph,” he said, waving as Joseph made his way back to his car.

Joseph waved back at him from behind the wheel as he pulled out and drove to his own house just next door. Alex unlocked his front door and walked inside. Amanda must have heard him come in because she ran out of her room as soon as the door shut. 

“So, how was roller skating? Did you fall on your butt a lot?” 

“Ha ha,” Alex said in a monotone, dropping his keys in the key-bowl next to the door. 

“Doesn’t answer my question, Pops,” she pointed out, leaning on the wall and giving him pointed smirk. 

“I only fell down once,” Alex said proudly.

“Because you were hanging onto the walls the whole time?”

“…”

“Knew it,” she said smugly. 

Alex ruffled her hair as he passed her to get to his room, and she stuck her tongue out at him in return. She sat on his bed as he washed his face and started to brush his teeth.

“So, other than falling on your butt, did you have fun with Joseph and his weird kids? Did they try to convert you to Catholicism or something?”

“Firmst ohf ahl,” Alex tried to reply with a mouthful of toothpaste, stopping mid-sentence to rinse his mouth when he realized she wouldn’t be able to figure out what he was saying, “his kids aren't _that_ weird. They’re actually pretty normal. That weird creepy twin thing is just their way of having fun. And no, they didn’t try to convert me to anything, although I _did_ sing a pretty cool Christian song.”

“A cool Christian song,” Amanda said flatly.

“Would you like me to sing it to you?” Alex offered, getting excited. Amanda must have seen the look on his face because she answered, “No thanks.”

“Well, I’m glad you had fun,” she said, standing up and stretching. “I’m gonna head to bed. I have to get up early to write a thousand word essay for a book I’ve never read.”

“Amanda Ann!”

“Hey, I saw the movie and watched the Thug Notes, it’s all good!”

Alex shook his head in disapproval but couldn’t stop a chuckle from coming out. Amanda must have heard because she finger-gunned her way out into her room. 

And now, Alex was alone. He finished getting ready for bed and turned the lights off, plopping down with a satisfying “humph” onto his bed. Well, this evening hadn’t taught him anything new about Joseph except for the fact that he loved cooking, his kids, and cooking with his kids. No news about Mary or his marriage, but that was ok. Alex was sure he’d get to the bottom of it eventually. 

He rolled over and couldn’t prevent a smile from creeping its way onto his face. He fell asleep thinking about strong arms and a dazzling smile.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Like all first dates, this is more of an introduction than anything. I promise things will ramp up in the second date and finally hit the climax in the third, so definitely keep following this :)
> 
> I appreciate any and all support whether it be kudos, comments, or bookmarks :)
> 
> My friend (magisterpavus here, saltyshiro on tumblr) drew Alex! He looks like [ this ](http://actualvarric.tumblr.com/post/164153725989/saltyshiro-drew-my-dadsona-alex-everyone-go)  
>  
> 
> ~~By the way, the best Goosebumps book is The Horror at Camp Jellyjam~~


	2. Second Date

Alex got a message on Dadbook from none other than Joseph Christiansen not three days later. 

_Hey, buddy! I had a great time with you the other night! I was hoping you could help me out with something! The youth group’s throwing a pool party tonight and my only other chaperone just canceled! Would you be willing to come help watch the kids? There’s free food if helping me isn’t incentive enough ;)_

Alex read the message a few more times, thinking it over. He _had_ been planning on finishing his Word Jumbles #18 book tonight, but the possibility of seeing Joseph in a swimsuit quickly eliminated any other evening activity from his mind. Even if he _would_ have to supervise a bunch of angsty teens. 

_Sure, no problem!_ he typed. _Although, how much trouble could kids get up to at a church pool party??_

He could almost feel Joseph’s shudder through his reply.

_More than you’d expect. You're in for quite the evening ;)_

Why did that man have to use so many damn winky faces?! Alex almost impulsively shut his laptop before realizing that Joseph still had to give him the details about the party. He waited patiently for the follow-up text, desperately trying to stop re-reading the last line of Joseph’s message. 

When their conversation finally concluded, Alex slammed his laptop shut with definitely too much force, threw it onto the other side of the couch as if it had personally betrayed him, and shoved his face into his hands. This was a bad idea. This was such a bad idea. 

With a sense of conviction he didn't feel, Alex resolutely stood up from the couch and grabbed his keys. 

He had a swimsuit to go buy.

——

After two hours and probably ten stores, Alex finally found an appropriate swimsuit. It wasn’t too long or too short, didn’t look like he was trying too hard or didn't care at all, and was just the right price. 

It was a solid blue pair of board shorts. Alex was probably overthinking this too much. 

That didn't stop him from buying the suit immediately, changing into it in the store’s changing room and shooting Amanda a text saying he’d be home late. He didn’t know if he could face her; she’d known how long he’d been gone and he didn’t know if he’d be able to deal with the inevitable mocking when she realized he’d only bought one thing. Plus, all that time shopping meant he only had about ten minutes to get to a location fifteen minutes away. Oops. 

With a little strategic speeding, Alex somehow managed to get to the designated house just as the church van was pulling in. Joseph pulled him into a friendly bro-hug as soon as he stepped out of the van. Teens slowly congregated around them, anxious to actually get to the pool already. Alex recognized Hugo’s son, but that was about it. He didn't look too excited to be there and had his hands stuffed obstinately in his hoodie pockets. Great.

“Alright, everyone,” Joseph began, turning outward to address the group. “This is Mr. Crowe, he's going to be helping me today. Everyone say hello to Mr. Crowe!”

Alex heard the half-hearted murmur of ten teens say hello to him in unison. 

“Awesome!” Joseph said, as if he’d heard something completely different from what Alex had just heard. “Now I expect you all to be as kind and gracious to Mr. Crowe as you would be to any of our regular chaperones, ok? That means listening to what he tells you,” he added, shooting a couple of the kids a pointed look. 

Once all of the kids nodded their assent sufficiently enough for Joseph’s liking, he unlocked the back gate and let all of the kids into the backyard. Half of them immediately jumped into the pool while the others lounged around the patio area, stealing pointed glances at the empty snack table. Joseph and Alex grabbed a few large bags and a cooler from the back of the van before following them in. 

“Thanks again for doing this,” Joseph said, starting to unpack snacks from one of the bags. 

“Hey, there’s free food. _I_ should be thanking _you_ ,” Alex pointed out. 

Joseph chuckled and cracked open a plate of sandwiches. 

“Thank the church, they paid for it. It’s free for me, too.”

Alex leveled him with a serious stare.

“Do you get free food often?”

“Yeah, every Sunday night,” Joseph answered, stopping midway through opening a bag of Cheetos to meet his stony gaze. “…why?”

“…how do I become a youth pastor,” Alex more stated than asked. 

Joseph cracked up and shook his head as he finished opening the Cheetos and pouring them into a bowl. Alex felt a smile creep up onto his face. 

“Sorry, but the first question they ask you on the application is: “Are you just in it for the free food?””

Alex pretended to curse, raising his fist up to the air and contorting his face so it looked like he was crying.

“Foiled at every turn,” he plaintively cried. 

Joseph laughed and clapped a hand on his shoulder. 

“You can always just come to a church service and get communion. A little bread and grape juice go a long way sometimes.”

“Wait, are you telling me it’s not really wine?!” Alex fake-screamed.

“Sorry to burst your bubble, buddy, but we don't want to give the kids a taste for alcohol any earlier than they need to,” Joseph replied, grinning and failing to look sympathetic. 

Alex put his hands out in front of him and waved them around, shaking his head and looking dazed.

“My whole world has just collapsed. I need a drink.”

He opened the cooler to the sound of Joseph’s laugh. 

“…Joseph,” he asked tentatively, raising an eyebrow at the cooler.

“Yeah, Alex?” Joseph replied as he finished setting up the plates.

“Is there supposed to be… beer? In here?”

Joseph looked like he’d just gotten the news that his house was on fire. He ran over and peered over Alex’s shoulder to make sure Alex wasn’t just seeing things. Sure enough, half the cooler was filled with cheap cans of beer. Joseph stared at the cooler for a few seconds, breathing deeply, before closing it forcefully and carrying it back to the van. Alex watched him go but didn't follow him, opting instead to watch the kids in his absence. 

Joseph returned after an unusually long amount of time away. His steps returning were deliberate, each foot falling hard against the tile until they found their final stopping point. He was not holding the cooler. A few of the kids that were on the patio stared at him as he approached and their eyes widened in fear. The kids playing in the pool didn't hear him come back, so they just kept batting a beach ball around until one particularly observant teen nudged them all with her elbow. In a matter of seconds, all eyes were on Joseph.

“Thank you all for your attention. I think you’ll all be saddened to know that someone decided it would be a good idea to put beer in the community cooler. Because of that person’s actions, the cooler has now been confiscated for the rest of the party, I will be sending a strongly-worded email to all of your parents, and all pool parties are hereby cancelled until the perpetrator either decides to tell me that they did it or is caught. As always, if you choose to voluntarily tell me, your punishment will be less severe than if I find out that you did it.”

The kids were caught between staring at the ground, looking at whoever they suspected did it, or listening to music looking bored out of their skull (Ernest). 

“Obviously if you know who did it and tell me, you will not be punished nor will your identity be revealed. Hopefully we can identify whoever did this so we can enjoy pool parties throughout the rest of the summer, ok?”

The kids all nodded, not fooled by his cheery tone. They still knew he was mad as hell under the surface, and Alex knew, too. It was… chilling.

“Alright then!” Joseph said, clapping his hands together way too loudly. “Let’s keep having fun! The night is still young! Enjoy!”

The teens were quiet at first, but eventually their whispers turned into murmurs and their murmurs turned into normal speaking voices (which, in turn, eventually became screams of laughter). Joseph let his shoulders fall a bit and slowly trudged over to Alex, who was waiting with his best sympathetic smile. 

“Bet you could use one of those beers right about now, huh?” He joked, lightly punching Joseph in the arm.

Joseph barked out a dry laugh and smiled.

“I guess so,” he agreed. “Surprisingly, this is one of the first incidents we’ve had all year. You picked a good day.”

“You invited me,” Alex pointed out. “It’s almost as if you picked today for a reason, as if you knew something was going to happen…”

He raised his eyebrows and stroked his chin before suddenly pointing accusingly at Joseph.

“It was you who planted the beers! You just wanted to yell at some poor, unsuspecting teenagers!”

Joseph scoffed and put his hands up.

“You caught me,” he admitted, tiredly rolling his eyes. “How many years am I in for, officer?”

“It’s at _least_ twelve life sentences. No chance of parole. Sorry, buddy, but that’s what you get,” Alex said, shrugging his shoulders.

Joseph let out a dry chuckle and put his hands down.

“Can I at least serve it in the Jacuzzi?” He asked. “It’s my last request.”

Alex put his index finger up, then turned around. He mimed talking to someone, making it look like he was getting angrier and angrier with his imaginary friend. Eventually, he turned back around. 

“The board has consulted and we’ve agreed to grant your request,” he settled on, smile involuntarily creeping onto his face. 

“Thank God,” Joseph said, grabbing the hem of his shirt. “At least I’ll be someplace comfortable while reflecting about my crime during my twelve lifetimes.”

Alex was about to come up with a witty retort except now _Joseph’s entire torso was exposed to him_. He couldn't look away, even if he wanted to. Joseph’s body and arms were toned and tan, and Alex could see a light trail of hair peeking out from the edge of his swimsuit. His tattoo was now also revealed- a black and grey anchor on his upper arm with a banner around the middle that read _Hebrews 6:19_. 

Joseph raised an eyebrow at him.

“ _We have this hope as an anchor for the soul_ ,” he said.

“Huh?” 

“The bible verse. I saw you looking at my tattoo.”

“Oh, yeah, I was wondering about that,” Alex replied. “Which hope?”

“The hope in God, of course,” Joseph explained. “The context to the passage is that God has just made Abraham an oath that he’d bless him, swearing on himself since there isn't anything higher to swear by. Since the oath is so assured, we can use it, or the “hope” as an anchor for our souls, something we can entirely depend upon. It’s basically just a really confusing way to say that we can and should always trust in God because he’s the highest power that is. He will always be constant, and his word is law. It’s something we can base our lives on.”

“… Wow,” Alex stated, a little overwhelmed. Joseph chuckled.

“Yeah, it’s kind of a lot, huh?” He said, smiling. “I’m just so used to explaining it at this point that it all comes out too fast sometimes. Sorry if that was confusing or boring.”

“No, it’s cool, and I think I get it,” Alex assured. “But why this verse in particular? I’d never heard of it before and it needed a pretty long explanation. Why not just get, like, “God is the way and the truth and the light” or something?”

“Do you know how to draw truth?” Joseph asked rhetorically. 

“… Good point,” Alex acquiesced.

Joseph threw his shirt over the back of a chair.

“You coming?” He said, walking backward toward the Jacuzzi.

Alex knew it was probably a very bad idea, but he took off his shirt and followed Joseph into the Jacuzzi. The water was pleasantly warm, and he was able to lounge pretty comfortably with an arm along the back wall. This was nice. Just two guys, hanging out together in a Jacuzzi. Not weird at all, even if their legs sometimes accidentally brushed against each other under the water. 

The more Alex thought about it, the more uncomfortable he got. This was weird. This was so weird. Quick, think of something to make it less weird!

“This reminds me of a meme Amanda showed me the other day,” he somehow managed to say.

“Hm?” Joseph asked, looking completely relaxed with his head leaned back and his eyes closed. 

“Yeah, it was a video of like, two guys in a hot tub and the caption was-”

Oh god. Alex suddenly remembered the caption. But could he just stop like that in the middle of his story? Would that be weird? Would it be weirder to say the caption or to stop the story point-blank like that? What if he stopped it and Joseph just looked it up later? Oh god.

Joseph had opened an eye and was looking at him funny.

“Uh, never mind, haha,” Alex eloquently finished. “It wasn’t that funny, now that I think about it.”

Joseph just shrugged and closed his eye again. Alex visibly relaxed. 

They sat in comfortable silence for a while, both enjoying the relative peace after the drama earlier. Unfortunately, that peace didn't last for long.

“Hey, give it back!” One of the teens shouted from the pool. 

“No way, it’s mine!”

Joseph slowly opened his eyes and leaned over to see what was happening. Apparently, someone had grabbed a cell phone from the patio and had taken it into the pool with them. A few of the kids had identical phones, so it wasn't a surprise that there was some confusion over whose phone was whose. Joseph raised his hands up to his mouth to amplify his voice.

“Just put the phone back where you found it and we can figure it out later!” He shouted.

The kids weren’t listening to him. One of them made a move to grab it from the other’s hand and ended up tackling both the kid and the phone into the water. Joseph heard a chorus of high-pitched screams. He sighed and got out of the Jacuzzi, taking a quick look back at Alex.

“My work is never done,” he said, sighing. 

He walked over to the kids, who were now all grouped together and holding the dead phone reverently. 

“Give it to me,” he said, and the kids reluctantly relinquished the phone. “I’ll put this in some rice and hopefully it’ll dry out. We’ve learned our lesson about phones and pools now, right?”

The teens all nodded solemnly. 

“Good, now it’s getting late, so let’s start packing up.”

The teens all groaned but with one look from Joseph they all shut up. 

“I expect everyone to help make this place look like exactly how it was when we got here, ok?” He added, and Alex could tell there was a threatening tone underneath all his cheeriness. 

The kids all nodded in unison and started cleaning up. Joseph wiped the phone off with a towel, stuck it in a plastic baggy, and put the towel around his neck. 

“They’re usually better than this, I promise,” he said, awkwardly tugging on one end of the towel. 

“Hey, sometimes stuff happens,” Alex replied, shrugging. “I was really impressed with how you handled all of that. The kids obviously really respect you.”

Joseph blushed, and Alex tried not to notice how it spread down his chest.

“Thanks, I try,” he said. “It’s tough being the disciplinarian sometimes, but you have to do it. It’s just like being a parent.”

“Except you have ten kids. Honestly, I don't know how you do it; I have enough trouble with just one.”

Joseph’s blush deepened, and it only served to highlight the green of his towel and the drops of water on his chest. Alex felt his own face heating up. Joseph winked at him. Oh _god_.

“It’s a gift,” he said.

Just then, a phone’s text alert went off. It was the standard sound, nothing fancy, and Alex watched as about four teens checked their phones in unison. Alex suddenly felt the need to check his, too, despite not even having that particular text tone. When he looked up, he saw Joseph frowning at his phone, eyebrows furrowed.

“Something wrong?” He prompted.

“Yes, actually,” Joseph sighed, sounding more tired than Alex had ever heard him. “Mary just texted me that she’s not able to pick Crish up from daycare today. I have to drive all these kids back to church and wait for their parents to come pick them up. The daycare closes in ten minutes. I don’t know what I’m going to do.”

“I can pick him up,” Alex volunteered. The look Joseph gave him almost made him cry. He looked so… grateful, like no one’d ever helped him out with something in his entire life. 

“You don’t have to do that,” he said, waving his hands.

“I want to,” Alex pushed. “It’s no big deal. I don't have anything going on.”

“Thank you, Alex,” Joseph said sincerely. “It really means a lot to me. I’ll promise I’ll make it up to you.”

“You don't have to make it up to me, Joseph. I _want_ to do it. I like helping you.”

Joseph looked like he was going to cry. He pulled Alex into a tight hug and Alex awkwardly patted him on the back, noticing all the teens staring at them. Joseph must have realized that he was getting too emotional, because when he pulled back, he just gave Alex an awkward fist-bump and texted him the address of the day care. 

Soon enough, all the kids were piled into the van and ready to head back to church. Joseph thanked Alex one last time and told him he’d meet him back at his house. He also mentioned that the “secret word” was “blueberry”? Alex waved at him, slightly confused, as he pulled the van out of the driveway and soon he was standing alone. 

The drive to the day care was filled with Alex trying to think about anything other than Joseph. How was Amanda doing? She was probably fine, but you know what wasn’t fine? The fact that Joseph was married and he had a body that looked like _that_ and a wife that canceled _picking up one of their kids_ … This was dangerous. This was so, so dangerous. He was sure Mary had a good excuse for canceling that Joseph hadn’t told him about. Maybe one of the other kids was sick. Maybe she was sick. But then why did Joseph look so _tired_?

He turned the radio up louder and lost himself in the comforting voice of Frank Sinatra.

The daycare wasn’t too far away, and before Alex knew it, he was pulling into a front-row parking spot. The lot was completely empty except for one other car. He quickly parked and hurried inside, hoping that he was on time.

“Hello,” the receptionist said. “How can I help you?”

“Hey,” Alex greeted. “I’m here to pick up Crish? Joseph sent me; Mary couldn’t make it today.”

The receptionist typed something quickly into the computer in front of them before looking up at Alex over their glasses. 

“What’s the password?” They asked.

Alex furrowed his brow for a few seconds, thoroughly confused. Password? What had Joseph told him could be a password?

“Oh!” He exclaimed, suddenly remembering. “It’s blueberry! Sorry, I’m getting old, my memory’s not what it used to be, haha.”

The receptionist didn’t seem to think it was very funny, but they called into the intercom that Crish was ready to get picked up anyway. A few seconds later, another employee walked out of a far door holding the hand of a young child. 

Alex thought it was a mistake at first.

This kid had dark skin and black hair. He was cute, sure, but he didn’t look anything like the other Christiansen kids. He lowered his voice as he tried to talk to the receptionist before the other employee and child were in hearing range.

“This is Crish? Are you sure?”

The receptionist looked like they felt bad for him.

“The one and only. He’s the only one who hasn’t been signed out, and he’s been here long enough that we all know him.”

“Oh… ok,” Alex said, still confused as hell. 

Crish and the other employee walked up to Alex. 

“Hey, I’m Alex Crowe, I’m the Christiansens’ neighbor,” he said, reaching out to shake the employee’s hand. “I’m going to be taking Crish home today.”

He squatted down to get eye-to-eye with Crish. 

“Is that ok, little buddy?”

Crish seemed to think about it for a little while, avoiding eye contact. Eventually, he nodded.

“Great!” Alex said, plastering on a grin. The teacher transferred Crish’s hand from her’s to Alex’s, and with a wave to the two tired employees, Alex and Crish were out of there.

The drive back to the cul-de-sac was quiet, Crish immediately falling asleep the minute he hit the seat. Alex didn't have a booster seat in his car, so he made sure to drive extra slowly, just in case. Joseph was already home by the time Alex pulled into his driveway, stepping through the front door to meet him.

“Thank you so much again for this,” he said as Alex handed Crish off to him.

“Yeah, no problem,” Alex assured. “He’s a cute kid. Did you guys… adopt or something?”

“No,” Joseph replied. He gave no other explanation. Alex had a feeling he wasn’t supposed to be talking about this. It just made him want to talk about it more, but he figured it was probably neither the time nor place for this conversation. 

“Oh, ok,” Alex said instead, pretending like it was no big deal. 

“I should probably be heading to bed,” Joseph said, adjusting his grip on Crish. “It’s getting kind of late.”

It was eight o’clock.

“Yeah, you’re right,” Alex lied. “I should be, too. See ya soon?”

“Definitely,” Joseph replied, genuinely smiling. Alex felt queasy.

Alex waved to him in parting, unable to go for a hug with a sleeping toddler between them. Joseph waved back and shut his front door. Alex walked back to his own house surrounded by the uneasy silence of the night.

Amanda called him out as soon as the door opened. 

“He returns from the war!” 

“After five long, horrible, years!” Alex proclaimed dramatically. 

“Were you… swimming?” Amanda asked, eyes wide as she inspected his outfit. “Dad, you never swim! I didn’t even think you owned a swimsuit. Yeah, I’ve definitely never seen that swimsuit before, it’s totally new. Where were you swimming? Who got you out swimming? Why didn't you invite me?”

“Slow it down there, Manda Panda. I’m not really in the mood to give you a play-by-play right now. I’ve got… a lot to think about.”

Amanda’s eyebrows shot up to her hairline. 

“Are you ok?”

“Yeah, I’m fine,” Alex said unconvincingly. “I promise I’ll tell you all about it tomorrow. I’m just really tired right now,” he lied. 

Amanda looked like the last thing she wanted to do was let him off the hook, but she schooled her face into a more neutral expression and tried to shrug nonchalantly.

“Fine, it’s cool,” she said. “But you know I’m here for you if you need to talk about anything, right?”

“That’s my line,” Alex joked, lightly punching her in the shoulder. “But yeah, I know. Thanks, honey. I love you.”

“Love you, too, dad,” she said, giving him a quick kiss on the cheek. 

Alex went to go shower. He’d always had his best brainstorming sessions in the shower in college, and he hoped the principle still applied now. Once the hot water was safely pouring down his shoulders, he thought.

That kid wasn’t Joseph’s, that much was clear. And Joseph knew. He had to know, there was no way he didn't know. So had he and Mary just… never talked about it? Had he forgiven her for cheating? Was he that full of grace? Why was he still in this marriage? He obviously wasn’t happy.

That was the question, Alex realized. He had to figure out why Joseph hadn't just gotten a divorce already if both parties were suffering. As he turned off the water, he knew what he had to do.

It was time to confront Joseph about this.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I cannot freaking wait to write the next chapter oh my _god_
> 
> Thank you all so much for your support on this!! I am honestly so blown away <3
> 
>  
> 
> [the vine](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EwAajOtfNT8)


	3. Third Date

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey 
> 
> You know what they say about third dates.  
> They get pretty serious.
> 
> Are you sure this is your dream daddy?
> 
>  
> 
> **I'm Sure**

It was Alex who initiated the next time.

_Hey, Joseph! I was wondering if I could take you up on that grilling lesson!_

It took longer than usual for Joseph to reply, but not by much.

_Sure thing! Why don't you come over around six? Bring anything you want to grill with you!_

Alex fist pumped to himself. Everything was going perfectly according to plan.

_Awesome, see you then :)_

He tried to do word jumbles or watch reality TV until six but kept getting distracted thinking about what he was about to do. He was so, so nervous. He knew that most likely, things were going to go very, very badly, but at the same time, he knew it had to be done. He knew that no matter what happened initially, the end result would be better for everyone involved. Mostly, he knew that he cared deeply about Joseph, his kids, and even Mary, and that in order for them all to be happy, they had to at least talk about their situation. 

And it had to start with Joseph.

After what felt like days, it was finally time to head over to Joseph’s. Alex packed up a bag full of meat and vegetables and told Amanda he was heading out. Sensing his nervousness, she gave him an extra-long hug before he left. He had to admit, it did make him feel a little better.

He made the short walk over to Joseph’s house and knocked on the door. Nobody answered. He waited a few seconds and tried again but to no avail. He was about to call the police when he heard a voice shout from over the fence.

“Alex? Is that you? I’ve just been setting everything up in the backyard! Come on in, the gate’s unlocked!”

Alex felt his heart start beating again. Everything was ok. It was all good, everything was going to be fine. He walked through the gate and into the backyard, trying to project more confidence than he felt. Joseph was there waiting for him, decked out in his usual pink polo and some khaki shorts. There was a table set up next to the grill with two place settings, two beers, and a bowl of assorted fruit in the middle. Sitting next to the grill were various condiments and toppings.

“Wow, Joseph, this is really nice,” Alex said, gesturing to the table. Joseph blushed.

“Oh, it’s nothing,” he said. “I just wanted to make sure we had a place to eat all the stuff we grilled!”

“Well, it’s still nice,” Alex argued, setting his bag down next to the grill. 

“What did you bring?” Joseph asked.

“What _didn’t_ I bring?” Alex teased. “I have chicken, hamburger, some corn… I even splurged and bought some steaks!”

Joseph looked like he’d just woken up on Christmas morning. 

“We can grill… all of this?” He asked as if he couldn’t quite believe it.

“It’s all yours,” Alex confirmed.

“Ours,” Joseph corrected. “It’s all ours. You’re helping me make some of this, you know. You don't just learn how to grill by watching.”

“Fair enough,” Alex replied. “Although I do have to warn you that I _may_ accidentally light one of us on fire at some point.” 

Joseph laughed.

“Thanks for the warning,” he said. “Now let’s get cooking!”

Joseph showed him how to turn the gas onto the grill and how to turn on the two side burners. He claimed that if you turned on the middle burner as well, it would cook everything _too_ quickly. That was his secret, taking it slowly and precisely, he said. Alex quickly blocked out the innuendo that immediately came to mind.

Joseph went through each of the ingredients methodically, grilling one to perfection and then giving Alex a chance to replicate it. They worked like that for a while, Joseph giving tips about timing and seasoning and Alex trying to stay not-on-fire. It was nice. 

However, Alex knew as well as anyone that all nice things must eventually come to an end. 

They had finished all their grilling for the day and were trying to figure out what they were going to eat when Alex decided it was time to bring up the elephant in the room. It was now or never.

“So, about Crish,” he tentatively began. He saw Joseph immediately tense up from where he was standing over various grilled meats. Alex swallowed and wished they had anything other than beer to drink. He didn’t want to be even the slightest bit inebriated for this conversation and his throat was _parched_.

“What about him?” Joseph asked cheerily, fake smile plastered on his face.

“He… doesn’t look like your other kids,” Alex awkwardly pointed out.

“Well that doesn't matter, does it? Plenty of kids don't look like their parents!” Joseph chuckled nervously and started adjusting his watch. Alex felt so bad for him. He almost wanted to just stop and pretend like everything was alright. Almost. 

“Joseph, I’m just going to tell it like it is. Feel free to hit me if I’m wrong, but he’s obviously not yours.”

Joseph looked at him so fast Alex thought for a minute he’d snapped his neck. 

“Excuse you,” he _growled_. 

Alex stood his ground.

“I’m not sorry, Joseph. It’s true. You may not want to admit it, but it’s true.”

Joseph’s face went through a series of changes so quickly Alex couldn't follow them all. He looked angry, scared, confused, sad all at the same time. He was stunned with what his face eventually settled on. Joseph was _smiling_.

“So what?” He said, “Everybody makes mistakes. What would you like to eat, a burger, a chicken breast? Oh, maybe a steak?”

Alex was confused at both his nonchalance and his non sequitur. 

“A burger, I guess, but Joseph we have to talk about this-”

“And what would you like on your burger? Cheese? Lettuce?”

“Joseph, she tried to give wine to one of the twins-”

“Tomatoes? Onion?”

“Joseph, she tried to hit on me at Jim and Kim’s-”

“Ketchup? Mustard?”

“Joseph she _doesn’t love you!_ ”

“WHAT DO YOU WANT ME TO SAY?” Joseph screamed, slamming his spatula down. He gripped the grill with both hands, arms shaking hard. 

“What do you want me to _say_ , Alex,” he repeated softly, voice shaking as hard as his hands. “You’re telling me things I already know.”

Alex was completely taken aback. This was not in the plan. He ran through his head at a breakneck pace to figure out something to say.

“I want you to explain why you’re still married to her,” he settled on. “She obviously isn’t putting as much effort into the marriage or the kids as you are. She doesn’t respect you, for God’s sake, Joseph, she’s _cheating_ on you! Why don't you just get a divorce?”

“Divorce is not an option,” Joseph said mechanically, almost as if he’d memorized it.

“Why not?” Alex asked, starting to get frustrated. 

“It’s. Just. Not,” Joseph said, gritting his teeth and turning his head to glare at Alex. 

“Divorce is healthy sometimes, Joseph,” Alex argued, exasperated.

“But sometimes it isn’t, _Alex_ ,” Joseph spat. “Sometimes when a couple gets divorced, things get worse. Sometimes one of the parties abandons their children and the other turns to alcohol to drown their grief.”

“Joseph,” Alex gasped, completely blown away. “Are you… your parents?”

The question didn’t need to be answered.

“I’m so sorry, but, you know that every marriage is different, right? That the percentage of that happening is practically nonexistent?”

Joseph didn’t reply. 

“It’s not done,” he said after a while. “When you’re like me, when a community looks up to you, it’s simply not done.”

“Bullshit!” Alex shouted. Joseph gave him a dirty look. “Take a look around the neighborhood! I’d say that over half of us in this _cul-de-sac_ are divorced. Do you know how good of a role model you would be for the families here if you had a healthy divorce? I’m sure you could provide so much healing and guidance to everyone who needs it!”

Joseph didn't respond, just stared hard at the metal of the grill. His arms were shaking with something other than force, now.

“What about the kids, Alex,” he asked, suddenly sounding somber. “They love both of us equally. I would never make them have to choose. And I could never, never choose one of my kids over the others.”

“You know you can split custody, right?” Alex realized he was sounding patronizing, but he was more than a little fed up. “They can spend a week with you, a week with Mary, switch houses every other holiday?”

Joseph chuckled, a low dry laugh that made a shiver run down Alex’s spine.

“You make it sound so easy,” he scoffed.

“It is,” Alex replied genuinely. “All you have to do is try, and I promise you, you’ll be happier.”

Joseph scoffed again, shaking his head.

“You sound so sure. This is God’s plan for me,” he asserted. “It has been since I was born. I have a perfect family- a great wife and four beautiful children. That’s the ideal life. That’s _my_ ideal life. It’s what God intended for me.”

“Do you realize how bigoted you sound right now,” Alex snarled. “A perfect family can be anything. It can be a father and daughter. It can be two moms and six sons. It can be one guy and his nine cats! It doesn’t matter! As long as you’re happy, that’s what makes your family perfect! I thought you were all about acceptance and diversity and shit! Why don’t you try to practice what you preach,” he sneered.

“It’s different when it’s you!” Joseph snapped, turning to look Alex in the eyes. Alex was surprised to see tears threatening to spill out of his eyes. “It’s all well and good to support others, but it’s different when it’s you!”

“WHY?” Alex screamed.

“BECAUSE I WAS RAISED TO THINK IT’S ALL WRONG!” Joseph screamed back, taking his hands off the grill to throw them into the air like claws. “It’s easy to support others with what you now know is right but when it’s been ingrained into since you were a child that there’s only one way to do things then that’s what you start to believe about yourself! Divorce is wrong, homosexuality is wrong, you just sit quiet with your wife and pretend to be happy until you die! That’s just how it is!”

Joseph crumpled to the ground, weeping at the revelation he’d tried so hard not to have.

“…Homosexuality is wrong?” Alex asked, not needing to voice the innate question.

“You heard me,” Joseph choked out, somehow sounding angry through his tears.

“You know it’s not, though, right?” Alex asked. “It’s not wrong for you, it’s not wrong for anyone.”

“It’s wrong when you’re married to a woman with four kids. It’s wrong when a community looks up to you. It’s wrong in the eyes of God,” he said mechanically.

Alex kneeled in front of Joseph, grabbing him gently by the shoulders. Joseph didn't look up at him, but he didn’t mind.

“Forget everything you’ve learned, and learn what you know,” he said quietly. “It’s not wrong. _You’re_ not wrong.”

Joseph gasped loud, wet gasps against his sleeves.

“It _feels_ wrong,” he sobbed. “When I hold you in my arms and have to force myself to let go, when I can’t stop myself from staring at you, when I do anything I can just to touch you again, it feels _wrong_ , Alex.”

Alex drew his hands back, stunned. He hadn’t expected _that_. He tried not to get too caught up in it and focus. This was about Joseph, not him. 

“It feels wrong because you’re conditioned for it to,” he explained. “If you change your perspective, you’ll feel differently, I guarantee it.”

Joseph scoffed.

“You’re full of guarantees today, aren't you,” he choked out.

“Only because I know I’m right,” Alex replied, gently squeezing Joseph’s shoulder. Joseph let out a shaky breath at the contact. 

“I’m afraid,” Joseph admitted in the smallest voice.

“ _We have this hope as an anchor for the soul_ ,” Alex quoted, smiling.

Joseph finally looked up at him. Despite the tears streaming out of his eyes, he was smiling.

“Thank you, Alex,” he said sincerely.

“No problem, Joseph. Anything to help you,” he answered.

Joseph inched closer to him and tentatively wrapped a shaky arm around his shoulder. Alex went the rest of the way and wrapped his arms around Joseph’s back. Joseph’s head fell onto his shoulder, and they sat there for a while, holding each other while Joseph gently wept.

After a while, Joseph stopped crying. He stayed wrapped up in Alex’s arms for a few minutes longer, regulating his breathing. Reluctantly, he pulled away.

“Our beers are probably warm by now,” he chuckled, wiping his eyes. 

“It’s ok,” Alex assured. “I’m not that big of a beer fan anyway.”

Joseph and Alex stood up and walked over to their table.

“I’ll talk to Mary tonight,” Joseph said, sliding a steak onto his plate. “It’s time, I think.”

“I’m glad to hear it,” Alex replied, smiling. “I can watch the kids, if you think you’ll need me to,” he offered.

“That would be really great, Alex,” Joseph said, smiling. “Amanda wouldn’t mind?”

“Nah, she’s cool. I’ll pay her some babysitting money and she’ll be totally fine with it. It’ll be a good lesson in responsibility for her.”

Joseph’s eyebrows narrowed and he opened his mouth, but Alex cut him off.

“ _I’ll_ pay her, Joseph. You just focus on getting better.”

He made it sound like an illness. Joseph supposed that in an unconventional way, it was.

“Thank you again, Alex,” Joseph said quietly. “No one’s ever done this much for me.”

Alex blushed and turned to face the grill, just shrugging nonchalantly in response. He finished decking out his burger and sat down across from Joseph at the small table.

They tried to engage in some meaningless conversation about work or kids as they ate, but after such an intense day and with so much left to come, they just couldn’t keep it up for long. They ate the rest of their meal in companionable silence, each man lost in his thoughts. 

When the meal was over and everything was cleaned up, Joseph lead Alex back out to his front porch and locked the gate behind him.

“Mary should be back with the kids pretty soon,” he said. “They went out to that new indoor amusement park place? Fantastic Kate’s or something? Anyway, I’ll tell her to send the kids over to your place once she gets in.”

“Sounds like a plan,” Alex confirmed. “Just text me and I’ll send them back over. If something happens and they can’t go back tonight, don't sweat it. I can tell them we’re having a slumber party or something- put a fun spin on it. I can watch them for as long as you need me to.”

Joseph smiled at him, warm and gentle, and stuck out his hand. Alex smiled back and grabbed it, shaking it gently. 

They parted ways without saying anything else. They didn’t need to.

When he got home, he told Amanda that they were going to have some visitors over. Amanda was understandably confused, but thankfully didn’t push him on it. She even refused the thirty dollars that Alex offered her as babysitting money. What a good kid. They watched Long Haul Ice Road Paranormal Ghost Truckers together until their doorbell rang.

The Christiansen kids were alone, and frowning. Chris was holding Chrish in his arms. Mary was nowhere to be seen. Alex gulped. He _may_ have bitten off more than he could chew.

“Hey guys!” Amanda greeted too-cheerily, running to the front door. “Are you ready to have some fun?! Come on in, I have a ton of stuff we can do!”

The kids looked unconvinced, but came inside anyway and followed Amanda into her room. Alex made a mental note to make that kid her favorite dinners for a month after this. Speaking of dinner, Alex wasn’t sure he had enough food for five hungry children in his house. They might have to go out, or order in. Or had they already eaten?

Alex rifled through his cabinets to try to figure out how he was going to do _anything_ with four more kids. With all the commotion going on, he didn’t think about Joseph any more until his phone rang with the text to send the kids back over four hours later.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Shoutout to The Carmichael Show for the "making a sandwich to avoid talking about a serious issue" idea! It's a really good show and everybody should watch it :)
> 
> I think I got everything in that I wanted to in this chapter! It was really satisfying to write! I hope you all like it and that it fills the well-written-Joseph-story hole in your hearts :)
> 
> As always, all kudos and comments are appreciated <3
> 
> (Also, as of posting, this fic is now the longest Dream Daddy fic?? What???)


	4. Epilogue

A week later, Joseph called Alex and told him that he and Mary were getting a divorce. Just a month later, it was official. The kids took it well, apparently understanding that things would be better for both of their parents and that they’d still be able to see both of them. Joseph was looking into buying a house a few streets away. Mary was letting him stay in their house in the cul-de-sac until then. 

Everything seemed to be moving along pretty well, but Alex hadn't been alone, in person with Joseph since the day they’d had the grilling lesson. He was worried that as well as things were going on the surface, Joseph was secretly breaking down inside. He had reason to worry, after all. One day in September, he finally went for it.

_Hey man, it’s been forever! We should catch up!_

Joseph replied an hour later.

_Yeah, sorry, I’ve been really busy! Want to go out for coffee tomorrow?_

Alex replied affirmatively, and they set up a time. Alex was mildly annoyed that they couldn’t do something today (his schedule’d been wide open since Amanda left), but he figured he could find a way to kill some time until then.

Hey, wasn’t the Game on today? Yeah, the Game totally was on today! The Big Game! For the Title! Alex made a split-second decision to do something he hadn’t done in forever- watch the Game in a crappy dive bar. There was nothing quite like rooting for your Team surrounded by fellow fans of the Game, chowing down on cheap, low-quality mozzarella sticks and booze. 

Alex quickly threw on his Team’s jersey and bolted to the nearest bar. He hadn’t been planning on going anywhere two minutes ago, and the Game started in five! He booked his way across the pavement, nearly getting run over by an aggressive cyclist, until he reached Jim and Kim’s with a minute to spare. 

He opened the front door and immediately spotted Mary.

He tried to duck, not because he was afraid or because he was trying to avoid talking to her, but because he really wasn’t planning on seeing her here and he needed more time to figure out what to do. Unfortunately, Mary noticed him as soon as he’d entered and crooked a finger at him, motioning for him to come over. Taking a deep breath, he did.

“Next round’s on home-wrecker over here,” she told the bartender. Alex swallowed uncomfortably.

“Mary, I am so, so sorry-”

“Quit it, kid, I was just messing with you,” Mary said, chuckling. “You really helped me out. I should really be buying you a drink.”

Alex didn’t know what to say, so he just looked at her, stunned. Mary scoffed at him.

“You’re cute, kid,” she remarked. “Honestly though, thanks for putting some sense in Joseph’s head for me. I tried to do this a long time ago but he wouldn’t hear a word I said. Think it helped him to hear it all from an outside point of view.”

“You… tried this before?” Alex asked incredulously.

“You’re damn right I did,” Mary replied, taking a sip of her wine. “I’m not just a pretty face, I’m smart, too. I could see from a mile away that things weren’t going to work out between us. I brought it up, plain and simple, but Joseph wasn’t having any of it. I could’ve pressed the issue, I guess, gone through with it without his consent, but he let me do whatever I wanted anyway so I didn’t see the point. Might as well’ve let him do his thing while I did mine. Win-win.”

“He knew? About… you?” Alex asked indelicately, too stunned to rephrase.

Mary chuckled into her glass of wine.

“Duh,” she said, rolling her eyes. “Once I saw that he was adamant about staying married no matter what, we had a long talk about boundaries and shit. Boring as hell, but it gave me the all-clear to basically do whatever the hell I wanted, so it was worth it in the end. Guess you changed his mind about our arrangement, though. I guess you made him see that his image isn’t as important as he is. So… thanks for that, I guess.”

“No… problem,” Alex squeaked out tentatively.

“You know, I do care about him,” Mary said pointedly. “Just not in the “settle down and have four kids together” kind of way. I think he’s a good guy. I just think he has a lot of baggage. I’m not the kind of person who wants to engage with all that shit, but it seems like you are. I’m glad. He deserves someone to care about him like that.”

“Yeah, he does,” Alex agreed, managing to say a full sentence confidently.

Mary smiled at him, a genuine, beautiful thing that brought crinkles to the edges of her eyes.

“You make him happy,” she stated. “Be careful with him, especially now when everything’s so new and different. He’s fragile, easily breakable. Don't break his heart. If you do, I’ll personally come to your house and rip your throat out.”

She was still smiling. Alex felt his throat dry up.

“I’ll make sure to, uh, handle him with care,” he choked out. 

Mary let out a loud guffaw and nearly fell out of her barstool. She laughed loudly for almost a full minute, desperately grabbing onto the edge of the counter for stability. Alex, after revisiting his comment several times, finally got it too and joined in her laughter. 

After they had regained their composure, Mary spoke again.

“You kids are going to be alright,” she said, bright smile on her face.

Alex stuck his hand out and she grabbed it. They shook hands, and Alex felt like everything really was going to be alright after all.

In the end, Alex’s team lost, but he couldn’t feel himself caring very much. He felt light, like the world’s burdens had been lifted off of his shoulders. He went to bed excited for his coffee date with Joseph.

The next day, he woke up early and went on a run with Craig. He didn’t know what made him want to do it; usually he hated exercise. Maybe it was because he was in such a good mood and he wanted to capitalize on it while it lasted. Maybe it was because he wanted to feel just the tiniest smidgeon more handsome at his and Joseph’s date today. Whatever the reason, Craig said yes, and they were running.

“Want to do bRUNch today, bro?” Craig asked, not even having the decency to act like he was gasping for air.

“Can’t,” Alex grunted out. “Coffee with Joseph later.”

“Nice, bro!” Craig exclaimed. “He’s a cool guy! Really impressive how he handled his divorce and stuff in the church. And coming out, too? Guy’s really brave. He’s been giving some great sermons lately. He’s been helping me deal with some leftover stuff from Smashley that I didn't even know was there. Good stuff.”

“Yeah, I’m really proud of him,” Alex panted, barely able to get through the full sentence in one breath. “Haven’t hung out with him since before the divorce.”

“Damn, dude! That’s a long time! Especially considering how often you two used to hang out!”

Craig started to get a Look on his face. Alex groaned, realizing exactly what was coming.

“Is that why you wanted to run with me today, bro? You wanna look good for your _man?_ ”

Craig nudged him with his elbow and gave him a teasing eyebrow wiggle. The worst part was, he wasn’t wrong. 

“Shut up,” Alex said, and he knew he was blushing a little bit. “Do you want me to remind you of the time you came to my doorstop crying at 3 a.m. because Smashley left you on read?”

“Not cool, bruh,” Craig replied, but he was grinning from ear to ear.

The rest of the run was filled with friendly banter and jabs at each other. It was nice. Alex almost wondered why he didn't do this more often, until he opened his front door and his legs promptly collapsed out from under him. Oh yeah. Exercise. 

He laid on the floor for a little while, recovering, before deciding to take a shower and actually try to make himself look more presentable. When all was said and done, it was time to head out again. He double-checked his outfit and his hygiene, and walked out the front door before he could convince himself that he needed even _more_ mouthwash. 

The walk to the Coffee Spoon was short and nice, the September wind ruffling Alex’s hair pleasantly. He found himself wondering absently what Joseph was going to look like. Would he look gaunt and pale, wasting away from the stress of his divorce? Would he be wearing the same clothes that Alex was used to now that he didn’t have to pretend to be a straight, God-fearing family man? 

Alex pushed open the doors to the café and found his questions answered.

Joseph looked, in a word, _good_. He was more fit than Alex remembered, vibrant and full of life. Most of all, he looked _happy_. His face lit up when he saw Alex, and Alex noticed laugh lines around his eyes much deeper than they’d been before. He was wearing a checkered shirt under a grey pullover with dark-wash jeans. Alex didn’t know he even _owned_ jeans. Maybe they were new.

Joseph stood up to meet him as Alex walked over, opening his arms up for a hug. Alex stepped into his arms with familiar grace. He couldn’t help but notice that he was wearing cologne. They parted and sat down at the table, smiles never leaving their faces. 

There were two coffee cups in front of Joseph, and he slid one over to Alex as soon as they sat down.

“A pumpkin “Spice Girls” latte,” he explained. “Mat said it was your favorite this time of year so I went ahead and ordered one for you. I hope that’s ok.”

“It’s great, thanks,” Alex confirmed. “What are you drinking?”

“A “Vanilla Ice”d Latte,” he said, trying and failing not to crack up at the name.

“This place has some pretty silly drink names, huh,” Alex chuckled. “I don't know how Mat comes up with them all. He must have, like, a master list of musicians with food and drink themed names somewhere.”

“I bet behind the counter there’s at least twenty notebooks filled to the brim with ideas,” Joseph snickered. “Or even better, just thousands of sheets of loose-leaf paper. Pull open the wrong drawer and whoosh! There they all go!” 

“I know you’re kidding but you’re not far from the truth,” Mat chimed in from behind the counter. “I can’t count how many times I’ve added a new drink to the menu and had to stay up until three a.m. googling celebrities with food names. It’s a tough job, but somebody’s got to do it,” he said, winking. All three men shared a laugh before Mat turned around to wash some dishes.

“So, how have you been doing?” Alex asked, taking a sip of his latte.

“Good, good,” Joseph replied casually. 

Alex gave him a Look. Joseph sighed and gave him a bright smile.

“Honestly, Alex, it’s been going really well,” he said. “There’s a lot to do and not much time to do it all in, but the changes have all been for the better. A few families left the church, but that was to be expected. We’ve gained as many as we’ve lost, actually, if not more. I’ve gotten a largely positive response to my newest sermon series. The kids are taking it all surprisingly well, and I think I have a pretty good shot at getting that house down the street. It’s all really, really _good_ , Alex. And it’s all thanks to you.”

“It wasn’t me, Joseph, it was you,” Alex argued. “You stepped up and made a change in your life, and now you’re seeing the fruits of it. I couldn’t have done that for you. That was all you.”

Joseph blushed and ducked his head, taking a sip of his coffee to avoid eye contact for a second. 

“You know,” he said softly, still looking away. “There’s still one more thing I wish that I could change.”

Alex heard from his tone that this wasn’t something he should be worried about.

“What’s that?” He asked quietly, small smile creeping up his face. 

“I wish that we could be more than friends,” he said, looking up to meet Alex’s eyes. 

His eyes were filled with hope, gentle smile looking beautiful on his face.

“I think I can help you make that change,” Alex told him, reaching out to place a hand over one of Joseph’s. 

Joseph looked down at their hands and his smile grew wider. If he’d looked happy before, he looked ecstatic now. When he met Alex’s eyes again, his eyes were threatening to spill over with tears.

“Do you want to walk me home?” Alex asked, rubbing a thumb over Joseph’s knuckles. 

“I’d love to,” Joseph beamed.

They grabbed their coffees and walked out of the café hand-in-hand. Mat gave them an approving thumbs-up as they left. The walk back to the cul-de-sac was filled with pleasant, light conversation and affectionate glances. Before long, they were in standing on Alex’s front steps, coffee cups long since drained dry and discarded.

“We should go on a real date some time,” Alex proposed.

Joseph chuckled.

“This didn’t count as a real date?” He asked.

“It could,” Alex replied, smile prominent on his face. 

“So if I wanted to kiss you right now, it’d be allowed since this is a real date, correct?” Joseph asked, smile quickly turning into sly grin.

“Kissing on the first date? Scandalous,” Alex gasped.

“Would you be opposed to some scandal?” Joseph inquired, voice dropping into a lower register. Alex felt a shiver run up his spine.

“I’m not if you aren’t,” he answered, eyes starting to close. 

Joseph began to lean in but Alex put a hand on his chest, stopping him.

“Are you sure?” He asked. “Are you sure you want your first kiss with a guy to be with… me?”

Joseph laughed a low, throaty laugh that Alex felt in his bones.

“I can’t think of anyone I’d rather kiss than you, Alex.”

Alex felt his eyelids flutter shut and felt Joseph’s warm, soft lips press against his. He let the hand on Joseph’s chest slide up to the back of his neck to pull them closer together. Joseph gasped against his mouth and wrapped both of his arms around Alex’s waist. Alex’s other hand traced the muscles of Joseph’s arm, still distinct under the layers of his clothes.

Alex pulled away but Joseph chased him, arching forward to maintain the contact of their mouths. Alex couldn’t restrain his soft moan as Joseph’s mouth met his again, couldn’t keep his grip from tightening when Joseph nibbled on his lower lip. 

Eventually, they let go, only pulling away enough to breathe. They shared a few more breaths like that together before pulling away completely.

“What do you say?” Alex asked softly, laughing gently at how completely dumbstruck Joseph looked right now. “Was it a good first kiss?”

Joseph laughed breathily, and Alex was blown away by how genuinely happy he looked.

“The best first kiss I’ve ever had,” he said, grinning.

“Would you want to get dinner sometime?” Alex asked, running a hand down Joseph’s chest.

“Absolutely,” Joseph answered, eyes clouded and cheeks pink.

They kissed a little bit more on the front stoop until they Joseph’s phone buzzed, letting him know that it was time for him to pick up the kids from school. Alex fixed Joseph’s hair and kissed him one last time before sending him on his way.

He collapsed against his front door wearing a grin he couldn’t wipe away, captivated by the wonderful feeling of so much more to come.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And there we have it, folks! Hopefully you have a big grin on your face, too :)
> 
> Make sure to kudos/comment/bookmark if you liked the story!! Thank you all so much for the overwhelming support for this story; I love each and every one of you <3
> 
> Feel free to talk to me about this story on tumblr (same username)!


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